Funny SMS Phrases

 As much use as a one legged man at an arse kicking competition

→ She's angrier than a Bear with a sore head

→ She's dressed up like a Dogs dinner

→ About as useful as a Condom vending machine in the Vatican.

→ He's that useless he couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery

→ She's been up and down more times than a whore's drawers

→ She's been engaged more times than a telephone switchboard!

→ He's tighter than a photo finish.

→ He's sweating more than a Dog in a restaraunt

→ He's got a head balder than a baby's arse.

→ He's got the dress sense of an Oxfam model.

→ He's got a nose like a blind carpenter's thumb.

→ Last time I saw a face like that it was hanging at the Hunter's Lodge.

→ As much use as a trap door on a lifeboat
→ It's colder than a penguin's bollocks

→ She's got a face like a picture - it needs hanging

→ You've got about as much chance as finding a vegetarian pit bull terrier

→ She's had more pricks than a second hand dartboard

→ As rare as a Blonde virgin

→ I've seen more hair on a billiard ball

→ He's as camp as a row of tents

→ I've seen better teeth on a worn out gear box

→ They call her 'The radio station' cuz she's so easy to pick up

→ As useful as a grave robber in a crematorium

→ You could park a bike on that bum

→ He's as red as an overdrawn account at the local blood bank

→ He's got a face as long as an undertakers tapemeasure

→ Whiter than a pair of Snow White's knickers

→ About as innocent as a Nun doing pressups in a Cucumber field.

→ They've got a picture of her at the hospital - it saves using the stomach pump