TXT SMS Insults

KILL THAT LOSER WITH SOME CRACKING TXT INSULTS



→ Them:
You:
  Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener
 
→ Them:
You: I never forget a face
Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception
 
→ Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?
Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

→ I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.
→ Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.
→ Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today
→ Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing
→ Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own
→ He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words
→ I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works
→ Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
→ Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo
→ If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat
→ If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in
→ Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.
→ Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
→ Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut
→ Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going
→ Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails
→ Sure, I've seen people like you before - but I had to pay an admission...

→ Hi there, I'm a human being! What are you?

→ I've seen more life in a down and out's vest.

→ You're red shirt goes well with your eyes...

→ Save your breath...You'll need it to blow up your date.

→ Shouldn't you have a license for being that ugly?

→ Calling you an idiot would be an insult to all the stupid people.

→ Folk clap when they see you...but they clap their hands over their eyes.

→ You're about as much use as a Betamax videorecorder

→ All day I thought of you....I was at the zoo.

→ I'd love to ask how old you are, but unfortunately I know you can't count that high.

→ You should learn from your parents mistakes - try using some birth control.

→ He does the work of three men: Curly, Larry and Moe

→ Next time you shave, try standing an inch or two closer to the blade.

→ If I was as ugly as you were, I wouldn't say Hi to folk, I'd say BOO!

→ You've got the perfect weapon against muggers - yer face.

→ You got a face only a mother could love...unfortunately she too hates it!

→ I heard that you went to the haunted house and they offered you a job.

→ Listen, are you always this stupid or are you just making a special effort today?

→ Sure, I'd love to help you out...now, which way did you come in?

→ Anybody who told you to be yourself simply couldn't have given you worse advice...

→ I heard you were so cool that you began teaching remedial classes at Cucumber college.

→ Well, they do say opposites attact...so I sincerely hope you meet somebody who is attractive, honest, intelligent, and cultured.

→ I heard that you changed your mind. So, what did you do with the diaper?

→ Why don't you slip into something more comfortable...like a coma.

→ You started at the bottom...and it's been downhill ever since!

→ I heard that you were a Ladykiller. They take one look at you and die of shock.

→ Is your name Maple Syrup? - Well, it damn well should be, you sap!

→ I know what sign you were born under...'RED LIGHT DISTRICT'

→ 4 REASONS Y DOGS R BETTER DAN WOMEN
dogs obey wen u shout @ dem
dogs dont shop
u can giv away ur dogs children
any guy can get a good lookin dog!

→ Hey friend remember dat without stupidity there can be no wisdom & without ugliness there can be no beauty..so the world needs YOU after all!

→ This sms can only be read by someone SEXY
try again
again
maybe you are
just not sexy?
one more time
hey don't force it ugly!!!

→ I look at the moon, the moon is beautiful... I look at you.. I.. I'd rather look at the moon again..

→ As you go through life you are going to have many opportunities to keep your mouth shut. Take advantage of all of them.

→ Kind, intelligent, loving and hot.
This describes everything you are not...

→ My darling, my lover, my beautiful wife, Marrying you really messed up my life...

→ Roses r red, violets r blue,
Sugar is sweet, and so are u.
But da roses r wilting, da violets r dead, da sugar bowl's empty and so is ur head!

→  Do I look like a damn people person?

→ This isn't an office. It's Hell with fluorescent lighting

→ Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?

→ Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets:
one to get in and another to get out.

→ I think the sun shines out of your arse.

→ Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.

→ Let's be honest with each other . . .
we've both come here for the same reasons.

→ Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.

→ Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

→ Brains aren't everything.
In fact in your case they're nothing

→ Don't let you mind wander
- it's far too small to be let out on its own

→ He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" -
but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words

→ I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works

→ Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop

→ If your face had "Welcome" written on it,
it would make a perfect doormat

→ If you put your face by a door,
no one would ever come in

→ Your face is such a mess,
when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.

→ Your face is such a mess,
why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?

→ Them: Here's 10p - go and tell your mum you're not coming home
You: Here's a pound - go and buy yourself some breath freshener

→ Them: I never forget a face
You: Neither do I but in your case I'll make an exception

→ Haven't I seen your face before - on a police poster?

→ Look who's talking - I bet when you go to the zoo you have to buy two tickets: one to get in and another to get out.

→ I think the sun shines out of your arse.
Well, you're living proof that even a turd can be polished.

→ Let's be honest with each other . . . we've both come here for the same reasons.
Yes, you're right. Let's go and pull some girls.

→ Are you always this stupid or are you making a special effort today

→ Brains aren't everything. In fact in your case they're nothing

→ Don't let you mind wander - it's far too small to be let out on its own

→ He doesn't know the meaning of the word "fear" - but then again he doesn't know the meaning of most words

→ I don't know what makes you so dumb but it really works

→ Your face looks like you've been using it as a doorstop
Your face would not only stop a door, but also most clocks and a herd of charging buffalo

→ If your face had "Welcome" written on it, it would make a perfect doormat

→ If you put your face by a door, no one would ever come in

→ Your face is such a mess, when you practice diving why don't you make sure the pool has water in next time.

→ Your face is such a mess, why don't you get your dog something different to chew on ?
Your face is such a mess, you should stop reading before slamming the book shut

→ Your face doesn't look like a doorstep, it looks like the door just kept going

→ Your face is such a mess, you must stop using it to hammer in nails

→ I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

→ You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.

→ You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.

→ Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.

→ May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!

→ Are you typing with your forehead, again?

→ He who laughs last has no sense of humor.

→ Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.

→ A rose by any other name still has thorns.

→ There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

→ Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

→ Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

→ Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.

→ There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.

→ He has no equal. Everyone else is better.

→ You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

→ He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.

→ His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.

→ A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

→ People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them

→ When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.

→ He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.

→ He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.

→ He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.

→ You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.

→ We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

→ You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.

→ Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.

→ He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.

→ People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

→ Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to.

→ I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.

→ You're about as subtle as a gynecologist wearing a gas mask and a hair net.

→ You're about as challenging as stealing candy from a bi-polar baby in a bell-jar.

→ Peanut prizes inspire monkey contestants.

→ May the horses break their harnesses trying to pull my dick out of your mother!

→ Are you typing with your forehead, again?

→ He who laughs last has no sense of humor.

→ Cigarette, A fire at one end, a fool at the other, and a bit of tobacco in between.

→ A rose by any other name still has thorns.

→ There is always one more imbecile than you counted on.

→ Suicide is the most sincere form of self-criticism.

→ Never wrestle a pig. You both get dirty, and the pig likes it.

→ Never deprive someone of hope - it may be all they have.

→ There you go again, flushing the sweet milk of human kindness through the U-bend of cynicism.

→ He has no equal. Everyone else is better.

→ You are proof that God has a sense of humor.

→ He dips Sparrows in Peroxide and sells them as Canaries.

→ His idea of a practical joke is to go into the Home for the Blind and flatten out all the Braille.

→ A prime candidate for natural de-selection.

→ People like him don't just grow on trees - they swing from them

→ When he dies, they'll bury him face down, so that he can see where he's going.

→ He campaigned to have the only Bar in his town closed. When it did, he moved away.

→ He'll take off his jacket and put it on the seat next to him on the train, just to stop a pregnant lady from sitting down.

→ He folds his newspaper on the bus so that the guy sitting across from him has to read the news upside down.

→ You couldn't warn to him even if you were both cremated together.

→ We have strange and wonderful relationship. You're strange and I'm wonderful.

→ You get plenty of exercise jumping to conclusions, pushing you luck, beating around the bush, and dodging the issue.

→ Gravity doesn't exist. Earth sucks.

→ He would throw a drowning man both ends of the rope just to see the look on his face.

→ People are more violently opposed to fur than leather because it's safer to harass rich women than motorcycle gangs.

→ Get a glass belly button, so when your head is real far up your butt, you can look out and see what the rest of the world is up to

→ Don't piss me off! I'm running out of places to hide the bodies.

→ Why don't you freeze your teeth and give your tongue a sleigh ride?

→ Teenagers are people who express a burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.

→ For every action there is an equal and opposite criticism.

→ He's so full of shit, his eyes are brown.

→ He's running around like a chicken with its head cut off.

→ You're so weak, you couldn't knock a sick whore off a shit pot.

→ Why didn't Noah swat those two mosquitoes?!

→ Get your mind out of the gutter - it's blocking my view.

→ If you can laugh at yourself, you've got a really sick sense of humor.

→ Mother Nature is a supreme bitch.

→ Is that a comeback? For fuck's sake, I wipe my ass with sharper stuff than this.

→ He fashions himself as an Insult Samurai. Insult Kamikaze is more apt.

→ Man is the only animal that blushes - or needs to.