Funny SMS Sayings

 Lights on, door open, nobody at home

→ As confused as a hungry baby in a topless bar.

→ He's as bent as a butchers hook

→ He's as happy as a Pig in $hit

→ About as welcome as a fart in a telephone box

→ About as subtle as a flying brick

→ She's got more wrinkles than an Elephants scrotum

→ She's more nervous than a long-tailed dog in a room full of rocking chairs

→ As tight as a Camels arse in a Sand-storm

→ She's stroked more wood than a Furniture Polisher.

→ About as interesting as watching paint dry

→ Av seen better looking bodies at a scrapyard
→ I've seen better hands on a clock

→ As confused as a blind lesbian in a fish market

→ He's as baffled as Adam on Mothers Day

→ She's got half the Black Forest hanging out of her armpits

→ As nervous as a turkey at Christmas

→ She's seen more ceilings than Michelagelo

→ She ran off quicker than shit off a shovel

→ She's as fit as a butchers dog

→ She's got a face squeezed like a squeezed tea bag

→ As useful as a one armed trapeze artist with an itchy arse

→ His nose is snottier than a frog in a blender

→ Uglier than a hatfull of assholes.

→ As rare as a brass monkey's bollocks

→ As pissed as a fart in a vacuum cleaner

→ This guy is all foam, no beer.

→ As worn out as a cucumber in a convent.

→ About as useless as a jam sandwidch to a drowning rabbit.

→ A legend in his own mind...

→ He's an expert on padded cells.

→ He couldnae engineer his way outta paper bag!